


epiphany

by misulnico



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Polyamory, Slice of Life, Social Media
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:49:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15389106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misulnico/pseuds/misulnico
Summary: felix was just a boy working his best to debut. his whole world gets flipped over when his debut turns into a survival show and he's met with two boys.





	epiphany

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HaNeul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaNeul/gifts).



it was six am and felix was tired. chan had woken him up and told him to get ready for school ten minutes ago but he hadn't moved an inch. his body felt sore from practicing till late in the night.

woojin had told him not to come home too late, knowing that the younger would have to get up earlier than the others because of school, but felix couldn't help but stay up going through the choreography for their upcoming showcase again and again.

"felix i know you're tired but you're writing an exam in an hour. you have to get 5." chans voice was soft, he felt sorry for the younger boy. felix had barely been in korea and a trainee for a year, he felt it was unfair he got to be on the show with his teammates who've been trainees for a way longer time. felix was still going to school, but every minute he wasn't in class he was practicing, trying not to dissapoint jyp or his hyungs.

barely an hour later he was squished in between two strangers, also in school uniform, on the train. he regretted not having taken his mask with himself, jyp had just announced their show but somehow he had already been recognised. it felt crazy to him, he was just a teenager after all, his hyungs so much more talented and advanced.

the exam rushed by and after felix felt a heavy weight lifted off his shoulders.

 

his classes for today were done so he hurried to get to the practice rooms to practice a bit more. his body feeling a bit less sore by now, when he met eyes with seo changbin, the schools well known bad boy. he was said to be in a gang and a rap crew, which felix didn't know or dare to ask.

they didn't know each other, having both only heard rumors circling around school. felix didn't care much for those, in his eyes changbin was a mystery waiting to be solved. he desired to get to know the older, but he felt the time wasn't right yet.

their eye contact don't last long, felix lowering his gaze and hurrying away to the station to get to the practice rooms.

after having went through the choreography and his rap several times again, taking his friend, byungjae's criticism into account, he allowed himself a rest.

his back slid down the wall as he let out a deep breath in exhaustion and pulled out his phone.

felix hadn't really talked to his friends much these days, too busy preparing for the show and the showcase that was to come with it. he couldn't risk slacking off now, not so close to the debut his hyungs, and he, had been putting so much hard training and sleepless nights into.

he missed them.

of course, they had been understanding when he told them he wouldn't be able to talk much due to the things coming up and had told him to take his time and that they'd miss him, but he hadn't actually talked to any of them since the teaser of "sonder;epiphany" had been released. while most of them did know felix was a trainee he was forbidden by the company to talk about the upcoming plans so he couldn't tell them, so he imagined it mightve been quite a shock for some of them

 

dream kids uwu (+13)

lixie: hi?

the chat had been quiet before his message, not to his suprise, it was only 10am after all and his friends were most likely in school at the moment.

jinnie: holy shit FELIX

jinnie: our LITTLE FAMOUS BUTTERFLY

lixie: uwu?

mork: felix bro, we've missed you!

fullsun: i can't belive you didn't tell us you were gonna debut what the fuck

lele: I CAN'T BELIVE YOU'RE GONNA DEBUT

lele: WE GOT A FUCKING SOON TO BE IDOL IN HERE GUYS

sungie: don't forget us when youre famoose hyung :''(

binnie: i'm honestly super proud of you lix!! you deserve it!! we all know how hard you've been practicing for this!

lixie: i'm - i'm really thankful for you all uwu im sooo sorry i couldn't tell you earlier but ya know company rules and shit

binnie: how have you been doing felix? it must've been stressful for you lately

lixie: oof i'm really tired to be honest, i've been practising a lot and just today I wrote an korean exam, that was stressful

junnie: don't overwork yourself felix!! your health comes first remeber! !

lixie: junnie, i'm becoming an idol now, showing the best performance and not letting my hyungs down is my top priority now

suddenly felix didn't feel like talking anymore. he knew he should be watching his health and that renjun and the others were just watching out for him but he couldn't risk letting down chan, woojin and minho. they had worked too hard for this for felix messing it up.

felix was sure he could never forgive himself if he were to dissapoint chan and mess up the olders chance of debut. chan was too dear to him to let him down.

with this thought he turned off his phone and turned on the music again, going through the choreography again and again.

the mirrors were foggy and he could barely recognise his reflection. he tried remembering the characters that spelled out fighting! but his mind was too worn out. he wrote fighting in english instead, took out his phone, ignoring the unread messages and snapped a photo of the mirror with his writing on it.

he made a mental note to post it later, remembering how their manager had told them they were lucky to be allowed personal twitter accounts.

 

felix was about to start practicing again when two boys burst through the door one of them laughing. his laugh came to a abrupt end when he noticed felix standing in the middle of the room, a throughout confused expression adoring his face.

felix couldn't make out the faces of the boys, both of them had been wearing face masks. what he did notice though was his schools blazer that the smaller of the two was wearing over an adidas hoodie.

it looked weird, the blazer over the hoodie and sweatpants combination.

after a few seconds or shock and lots of thoughts going through felixs mind the slightly taller of the two bowed and half yelled out a greeting. the smaller one followed the taller example mumbling out a greeting as well. 

felix bowed too and tried to remember the words he's been learning for a bit longer than a year now. when his greetings cane out scrambled and informal felix suddenly regretted not working on his korean more than nessecary. usually he had chan with him who'd help him and correct him when he did wrong but chan wasn't here now and felix was embrassed.

he knew he was going to have more of a conversation with them and his mind was blank, he felt like all the korean he'd been studying had vanished from his mind.

the male who was wearing his schools blazer said something but he talked fast and the only thing felix actually understood was practice.

"i-i'm sorry i couldn't understand what you said, you were talking too fast." was the rushed response felix gave. in english. even before the realisation that they might not be very good in english the taller one started talking, fluently in english. to say felix was relieved would have been an understatement.

"youre felix right? my friend said that we were supposed to be practicing here, we got an important evaluation coming. we can search another room though, i'm sure there'll be some free ones." the guy was nice, his voice was very friendly.

"yea i'm felix, what's your name? also don't worry i can leave i should probably meet up with chan anyways."

after the taller boy had introduced himself as jisung and his friend as changbin, ironic, felix thought, but it couldn't be the bad boy, they must have more than one changbin at school, felix went out but not without wishing the boys good luck for their evaluation.

 

felix had called chan and asked where he and the other two were training at the moment. chan had told him where they were and only a few minutes later felix had joined his fellow teammates.

after listening to felix explain what just happened chan just laughed and promised to help him out more.

they were rehearsing their stage when their manager came looking for them.

he told them jyp was looking for them, it was about their show and thst they were going to be filmed during the conversation.

 

felix's mind had cleared up more and he was able to understand more again and it proved itself useful as jyp was explaining them important things.

felix first thought after jyp told them the plans he had for where the show was going to go was that he was sorry for the 5 trainees who wouldn't make it. before he got to the point of questioning himself chan spoke up.

"so there'll be 7 others living with us? fihting with us for a place in the debut team of six? "

felix was scared, was he going to get eliminated and not be able to debut with chan, woojin and minho the people who've been caring for him ever since he came to korea? the thought was unbearable, he couldn't imagine losing them.

"no, they will not fighting with you, they will be fighting against each other as only two of them will be able to make it into the debut team, you four are set to debut, it would cause too much controversy to remove on of you."

felix felt slightly calmer after jyp explained that, still an uneasiness crept into him. what if he wasn't good enough still?

"there will be three missions to decide the final two members who will debut with you. in every mission either one or two trainees will be eliminated. as you will not be at risk of elimination and the show was originally supposed to be centered about you, you will be helping the trainees and show your best side. there will also be a few segments focused on you." jyp further explained.

felix could see the curiosity in the other members eyes and wondered if he looked just as curious or if he looked as terrified as he was.

"what will be the missions?" felix spoke up for the first time, his voice slightly shaking.

they were told that the missions would be revealed over the time of the show but since they were supposed to start preparing the choreography and performance for the first jyp explained the mission. they would be holding a busking event, like it was initially planned for the four of them, but other than only the performance they had been preparing beforehand they had to also perform a song in the team of eleven.

after the conversation they had been given a map with information on each of the new trainees that'd be living with then starting from next week.

 

after continuing to practice for a while the boys did as they were told and sat down together to go through the profiles.

felix had his head resting on chans shoulder, being tired from the exhausting day and being a person who overall loved skinship. minho and woojin sat with their backs to the mirror, their uneasiness to show skinship in front of a camera still to big.

felix wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel and act now that he was being filmed the whole time.

then staff had said that they'd all be doing selfcams and would be going to be filmed in most situations. it wasn't that felix was camera shy, he really wasn't, he wanted to be an idol after all. felix just really disliked the uneasiness that it brought over woojin and minho. the older boys weren't exactly camera shy either, just not sure if they could really be themselves around the cameras or if they had to be someone else, someone seemingly perfect.

a big smile painted himself on chans face after looking at the first profile, felix suspected chan knew him well. he knew chan knew a lot of people, but also that he usually trained with a group of other trainees before felix came. chan seemed to have felt some sense of responsibility for felix, being new and barely knowing korean. that felix was australian just like him probably added to the reasons why he took the younger under his wings. it wasn't like he had abandoned his old friends, in no way, but felix was shy and his lacking korean made it hard for him to befriend the other trainees so chan just stuck to him and took care of him as if he were his brother. felix was eternally grateful for that.

 

the first trainees name was park joohyung, felix remembered him as one of the people who chan had tried to introduce him to. according to his profile joohyung was two years older than felix and in the same position. even though felix knew he wouldn't get eliminated he couldn't help but feel afraid of the other being better than him, having been a trainee for a longer time period as well. felix would've been lying if he said that he felt inferior in visuals, the male had relatively long black slightly curly, felix wondered if natural or not, hair and his jaw was sharp. he immediately categorised joohyung as a threat and a possible debut contestant, he seemed like he had the skills.

"ahh joohyung, he's a lovely friend, i'm glad he's getting this opportunity"

"he's seriously handsome"

felix could guess that the next male, a 97 liner just like chan, was chinese just by his name, zhou yanchen. yanchen was strikingly beautiful leading to felix's not all that straight mind, wondering how his pretty lips would feel like. that usually wasn't felix's first instinct when it came to attractive guys, especially now in korea, but felix thought his lips so pretty he felt strong homosexual feelings. yanchen was a dancer and a singer, felix read from the profile.

"oh ! chan he's our age!"

woocheol reminded felix of an actor. he couldn't remeber who but he felt like he knew the males face. after looking at woocheols age felix sighted, still no one younger than him. it wasn't like he didn't like all the attention he got as the youngest but something in him made hi want to have someone younger that he could care for.

"dissapointed you're still the youngest?" minho laughed. "you can't talk either, as of now you're still the second youngest hyung"

"children let's not fight"

felix wanted to retort he wasn't a child and that chan was only three years older but stopes himself after remembering the cameras. he didn't want to be portrait disrespectful. woocheol was handsome as well, though on a totally different level than the other two. while yanchen was pretty in a ethereal, fairy like way, joohyung had a more wild vibe, he was like those handsome men in adventure novels and woocheol? woocheol was the typical uzzlang kind of handsome.

lee rohyun was wearing glasses in his picture and his hair was messy and gray. he had a mole on his cheekbone and several ear piercings.

from his looks felix had expected him to be a rapper but to his suprise rohyun was a vocal.

"honestly thought he was gonna be a rapper, he has the vibe of someone spitting bars." "ohhhh now i wanna hear him rap" 

"ooh look felix this guy is from your school!" woojin exclaimed in such a woojin like fashion felix couldn't help but smile. woojin had such a pure supporting soul, he never failed to make felix feel appreciated and taken care of.

"he seems to be a senior though" woojin added, still with excitement in his voice.

felix lifted his head off chans shoulder, shuffled over to woojin and sat himself in between minho and woojin, looking at the fifth trainee.

felix yelped softly in shock as he recognised the older male. seo changbin stood there, and next to his name and birthday, 11th august 1999, there was a picture of him looking straight at the camera, his eyes giving off confidence and a slight smirk on his lips. god his lips. they were pink and small but god felix would give everything to get a taste of them. before felix could get lost in his thoughts minho asked if he knew changbin. felix stammered a no, not really and a small blush crept up his neck thinking about how he would have to share a dorm, a temporary home, with seo changbin, a mystery felix was not yet ready to solve.

while felix was still sitting there frozen and panicking on the inside chan pulled out the next profile. kwon yechul was the first to have colorfully dyed hair out of all the trainees with his silky pinky hair. he had a little longer hair and smooth skin. felix, often told that the freckles on his skin were ugly, destroying his pretty face, had often wished he had skin like yechul had.

yechul was so far the only one who was at least his age, even if a little older.

felix hoped that he, or the hope in the last trainee being either his age or younger, wouldn't leave him. he loved his hyungs, definitely there was no denying that, but felix didn't understand the whole system of hornofics and how the members only ever teased him, since he was the youngest . with someone his age felix hoped to have more possibilities of sharing his burdens and just finding a friend who could relate to the way he was changing, still a teenager after all.

felix immediately recognised the last trainee, han jisung.

jisung had been his internet friend even back when he still lived in australia, though they had promised to meet up once felix came to korea they never did. when he read a little further his heart shattered, jisung had been a trainee for over 3 years, only a little shorter than they had been friends. it wasn't that jisung was a trainee that shattered him, but that jisung never told him, not even when felix had been casted, when felix came to korea to pursue his dream at the same company he was at. a wave of guilt washed over him as he remembered the boy from afternoon, jisung, he had said his name was. jisung started using han online two years into their friendship, so he hadn't even thought about his friend but really he should've noticed. the last, but also biggest wave of sadness anger and guilt at the same time came with the realisation that he, who had been training for barely a year, not even half as talented if the profile was to be trusted, was guaranteed to debut with epiphany while the multitalented trainee of 3 years had to fight for his way in. it felt wrong. felix was mad at himself for getting to debut and not even thinking about those, like jisung who deserved it more, mad at jisung for not telling him and mad at jyp to pick him as one of the set memebers and not jisung.

"hey felix this one might be younger than you!" was what minho yelled out in exitement. it pulled felix out of his head and made his shoulders tense.

if anyone saw the tears that had welled up in the boys eyes while he was spaced out they didn't mention it.

felix laughed a fake laugh and told minho "hyung my birthday is the day after his. don't you remeber? i'm hurt."

felix didn't see the worried gaze chan and woojin were sharing, having clearly noticed the difference in their youngest laugh.

"our baby felix is still out baby awww" minho then cooed and pulled felix in a hug, whispering a quiet "you okay?" in his ear in the process. felix just nodded. all four of them knew that was a lie..

 

after practicing for another two hours, the four made their way back to their dorm. felix was lagging behind; lost in his thoughts. not noticing the worried gazes of his hyungs.

all of them had noticed that felix seemed to know probably two, definitely one of the trainees.

something about han jisung had sent felix spiralling down into chaos. they must have or had some kid of strong bond for felix to react like this. chan really just wanted to wrap the younger in his arms and tell him everything would be okay. chan didn't even know what was wrong but the younger had become so important to him that he'd do everything to make the boy smile again.

the walk to the dorms wasn't a long one, after less than ten minutes the four had arrived at their dorm. when they were upstairs felix tried to get away and hide in his and chans room but woojin pulled him into one of his big bear hugs and then felix broke. he was crying, sobbing so hard his whole body was shaking. it hurt all of them to see. woojin guided felix to their couch and chan sat next to them, taking felix into his embrace. woojin had started stroking felix back and held his hand. minho had disappeared out of chans view. only to come back mere minutes later with a blanket, felix favourite blanket, to be specific and a hot chocolate.

chan asked felix to get comfortable and then laid the blanket over the still crying boy.

after chan, minho and woojin had tried to get felix to stop crying and talk to them for ten minutes they settled on letting felix cry it all out and just being there for him, cuddling him.

chan wasn't sure how much time exactly had passed since felix had started crying but it must've been over an hour when his sobs grew quieter, his body stopped shaking and finally his tears stopped coming and his breath calmed down.

"what happened lix?"

"ji-jisung, he... he's my best friend.... at least i thought so..."

"why do you think he's not anymore?"

felix didn't even notice when he started speaking english, he was still to upset to remeber all the korean words.

"i told you about my twitter right? about the dream kid's? we were the original two, we've been friends for over three years and he never... he never told me ... it hurts...? did he not trust me? why didn't he tell me when i joined? what happened?"

it broke chans heart to hear felix cry out these words. he saw him fighting off tears again and quickly wrapped him into a hug, murmuring into his ear that everything was going to be okay, that he should talk it out with jisung, not let the unknown eat him away. he mightve had a completely reasonable excuse.

after chan had roughly translated what felix had said for minho and woojin both wrapped him in a hug. offering words of comfort felix was grateful for.

an hour later the four boys had all cuddled up on the sofa with blankets and chicken and we're watching tangled. felix wasn't really paying attention, still thinking about jisung.

why did he do that? felix couldn't understand it at all and it frustrated him. slipping out his phone he ignored the messages of the group chat and went to his private chat with jisung.

chat between hannie and pixielix

12;37am

pixielix: jisung?

hannie: haven't been called that by you in a while what's up?

pixielix: why didn't you tell me?

hannie: didn't tell you what? that i have a folder with minghao pictures saved just bc of you?

pixielix: jisung i'm serious, why didn't you tell me you were a trainee too? why did i have to find it out while being filmed from jyp?

hannie: oh felix i'm sorry

hannie: believe me i was going to tell you

pixielix: but when? when we're you gonna tell me? why haven't you told me already?

pixielix: jisung we've been best friends for over three years, the same three years you've been training at jyp and you never even cared to tell me?

hannie: it's not that i didn't want you to know, i knew you were going to want to meet up if you knew and i couldn't let that happen

pixielix: why couldn't you let it happen? am i that horrible? why did you not want to meet me?

felix sight had become unclear, tears welling up again.

what had he done to jisung for the boy to want to avoid them meeting up at all costs?

he couldn't explain it to yourself, yes they had fought a few times but nothing ever happened that could've left such a scar on jisung, right? he felt like he couldn't trust his mind anymore.

"felix, deep breaths. can i take this?" chan gestured to the phone felix was clenching in his hands. felix was shaking and tears were streaming down his eyes.

hannie: felix no, no. its not you i promise. you're not horrible i promise. i'm the horrible one really, i was so afraid of myself that i couldn't let myself meet you

hannie: felix?

hannie: lix?

hannie: lix why aren't you answering these are you okay

hannie: lix im sorry i never meant to hurt you i promise

hannie: im sorry i should've been there for you when you needed me

hannie: felix?

pixielix: jisung i'm chan, you probably know me, felix was really not feeling well and finally stopped crying. we're taking his phone for now.

felix was cuddled up to woojin who was stroking his back and singing him a song to calm him down. chan just felt bad for the boy. today had been such a rough day for him.

an hour later felix was asleep on woojins lap. it was already around 1am and chan wanted their youngest to sleep in his bed.

"let's carry him to his bed" woojin whispered, voicing chans thoughts. chan nodded and they carried the younger to his bed. after gently putting the boy on his bed woojin and minho left, bidding their good night's to chan.

"chris? can i sleep with you?" felix whispered as he saw chan getting ready for bed. "did i wake you up? i'm sorry and yea you can don't worry." felix sighted in relief and tiptoed over to chans bed. chan laid himself to the boy and immediately felt the youngers arms wrap themselves around him.

"what do you think about gay people?" felix broke the silence that laid over the room. "they're just people? what am i supposed to think? that they're cool? i don't think sexuality matters" chan rambled. felix chuckled lightly "so you're okay with them?" "of course, hell i'm bi myself." felix sat up in confusion. "youre bi?? you pass as a hetero very well then" "i am bi, but yes that's something ive learned along the lines of living here for such a long time. not everyone is accepting here." "yea... that's why i asked i guess..." "so why did you ask? we should sleep soon it's late and you had a stressful day."

"i'm gay?" even if felix knew chan wasn't going to judge him, it felt weird to utter these words out loud in a place like this. "felix i know, don't worry about it." "h-how?" "felix even for a straight semi korean dude you're just kind of too touchy and all to actually be straight" chan lightly laughed at the youngers shocked expression. "we should sleep now it's late and we're meeting the trainees tomorrow"


End file.
